miserable cow

today’s entry is a tough one to write. not because i am sleepy and close to going to bed. but because that favorite ex-boyfriend i mentioned earlier, is actually in town and the universe keeps reminding me. on a regular day i am in a good place about the break-up but today i’ve missed him a lot. i woke up and decided to do all the things i love, like walk all over my gorgeous neighborhood, get a healthy and delicious lunch, do some shopping, stop by and see some friends. i pulled all my tricks from my “don’t be sad” bag and yet–the feeling of missing him was still there. 

so halfway through the day i decided: ok i’m just going to be a miserable cow today. just throw my hands up in the air and say “take me, nostalgia.” i know sometimes the only way through it is just letting the emotions flow through you. and so i did. i am sad and i miss this wonderful ex. he’s a great guy and i’m not quite over the relationship. i understand the reason and purpose for the relationship coming to an end, but today i just wanted to mourn. humans can only go so far in entertaining their minds to move on from a painful feeling. my threshold is very low. i’m intuitive and very self-aware, so i’m not gonna fool me for very long. 

i debated texting. i debated deleting him from social media. i debated asking different friends for advice. i considered sending an email. but then i didn’t do any of it. and this is the real heartbreak of break-ups. when do you know it’s time to move on and when is it time to fight for one more chance? someone please tell me the answer!

until then, you can catch me still deep in misery for who knows how long. (not that long, i hope. i have a plane to catch at 3pm tomorrow from fort lauderdale 🛫)

-(hey. i miss you.) 😰

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