day three! today’s writing exercise came a bit later in the day because–drumroll please…it’s my birthday! i had a wonderful time with friends and family and im looking forward to what 30 has in store.
i know i mentioned today’s topic would be explaining the title of the blog, but that topic isnt really doing anything for me right now.
instead i’d like to present to my readers (and russian bots) my favorite ex-boyfriend. i am newly single after a short-term commitment and am having the pleasure of telling and re-telling the story of how our promising relationship ended up on the cutting room floor of the movie “My Love Life.” It’s a strange feeling because people, bless their hearts, are genuinely somber when I announce that we’ve broken up. i feel propelled to quickly declare “no, don’t worry. this was for the best. he’s a wonderful, wonderful man and we are on good terms.” after this, some have even assumed that it was me who made the decision to end things! (it was not.) its a new way of speaking about an ex, one in where the words are not dripping with bitterness, pain, disdain, melancholy, longing or regret. i felt and cared deeply for this person, and enjoyed every single second we dated. it was a lovely time, floating on a cloud of possibility and excitement. i have *close to* zero negative things to say about him or the time we spent together. but i also understand the purpose of the relationship ending and am focused on myself again.
if others find my newfound peace interesting, no one is more bewildered than i am. up until this point, i have no surviving connections with any exes. i dont see the purpose or have an interest in maintaining ties with anyone i’ve dated and it did not work out. in one experience, i tried a record number of times to expunge someone from my life because i was hurt and uncomfortable and would never get over it unless i cut them out of my life with a surgeon’s precision. even at times when it was my choice to end the relationship, i did an excellent job of not reaching out, because i knew the other person also needed their space to heal.
but this time it’s different with my favorite ex-boyfriend. hes a kind, interesting, thoughtful and downright inspiring person. being together made me want to be a better person, and since the end of the relationship i have focused on getting there on my own. i have nothing but fond memories and sweet words when it comes to him and i actually think that’s a good thing. this isn’t based on some near-future fantasy where we get back together, either. i am accepting only the reality of what is right now, today — we are not in a relationship.
in closing, i wonder: is it normal to put someone on a pedestal who you’ve just been dumped by? shouldn’t i be angrier or sadder? why am i getting a kick of labeling him “my favorite ex-boyfriend” and actually meaning it, because he’s still someone i think very highly of? this novel, healthy way of getting closure is really entertaining to experience, for now. let’s see how this feeling progresses.
-(nom de plume under construction still)