second day

only the second day of this “militant approach to writing” and im already at a loss for topics.  maybe ill share my new diet–

when i returned from Peru, i was the cutest and skinniest i’ve been since I was maybe 18.  or 17.  i devoted the last three months of service exclusively to doing whatever i wanted every day. no meetings, no classes, no responsibilities.  only morning runs on the carretera, daily trips to the mercado for fresh produce, making healthy breakfast juices and lunch salads and teaching an exercise fitness class on tuesdays and thursdays.  it was such a delightful life and my body was a reflection.

IMG_2422

that was may 2014.  fast forward may 2017 (honestly a lot of things happened in those three years) but somehow i had put on 20 lbs. ughhhhhhh!! i knew i’d been gaining weight. few things fit me anymore..and you just know–anyway. june 2017: cue MAJOR WAKE UP CALL (im sure ill write about it later) and i stepped on the scale for the first time in six months.  obviously i had been avoiding it because your unconscious knows exactly what you’ve been doing but AVOIDANCE. so back to the scale. twenty powndz! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

luckily, it was the month of ramadan.

what? yes. ramadan. im not muslim. but i was inspired to join the 1.6 billion muslims around the world who fast for a number of spiritual and pious reasons. for just one day, i woke up early, made a delicious and filling breakfast at 4:30am and went on about my saturday.  sure, i felt hunger pangs and had a headache all day but overall, it was a great experience in discipline.  strangely, brushing my teeth all day was incredibly satisfying. outside of craving a tall, refreshing, cold glass of ice water, i found that my body was capable of withstanding a little bit of hunger.  i attended an interfaith iftar celebration and it was a beautiful event (ill save that for another blog post, probably.)

the point is–after ramadan, my appetite changed. my approach to food has changed. i am not craving cookies, cupcakes, pastries and all the other devil creations that are readily available at my job.  i exercise in the morning, make a protein shake, have a coffee when i get to work, wait until i feel a little hungry, drink some water, wait til i feel hungry again and then have a fraction of whatever i used to eat, wait til i feel hungry again to eat again, and usually try to have my last meal before 7pm or 8pm.  something so simple as waiting for my body to signal that im hungry. then, drink some water.  still hungry? ok now you can have some food.  and i feel so good! energetic! i sleep better and i can still do rigorous exercise in the mornings (or at night if i’m heading to Vixen.)

i feel like my relationship with food has been re-imagined.  i was trying to eat better, focus on nourishment, but anytime stress or anxiety hits, it all goes out the window. i can’t promise that i wont relapse but right now it feels like something has clicked. summer 2017 has been exhausting (classes, travel, stress) but it also feels like a time for incredible transformation. Gary Vee talks about how 30 was his “get your shit together” moment and maybe this is it.  no, this is DEFINITELY it.

i don’t think people love it when im like “ive been eating very little.” i get a sense that they’re like “oh, shes starving herself” not true, obviously. but more intentional about what my body is asking. so–suck it.

gotta go get ready for my Booty Workout class now. tomorrow i’ll write about the “part hippie, part hip hop diva” description. it’ll be a good one!

-(still working on that nom)

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